Recently I've had this constant battle with my own mind. I'm tired. Every day it's a choice to be happy. And some days it's harder than others. My goal is to stay light hearted and not give in to negativity but some days I'm not as strong as others. Some days I want to just take a nap and recharge but I gotta go make dinner and get the boys ready for bed. Some days I wanna sleep in until noon like I did in high school and college, only to crawl out of bed to eat a bowl of cereal and then return to my layer where I'd binge watch a show. Although saying that out loud sounds depressing haha I much rather be chasing my kids around listening to them laugh or headed out the door to teach my 9am yoga class.

You see this yoyo of emotions is how motherhood goes. Being a mother is the best thing ever, possibly almost all moms feel the same; I can't speak for everyone. But those same moms most likely experience the same feeling I have. We live all of our lives before children being care free, having no responsibilities and have the freedom to do as we please. Then boom, now we are responsible for another human. We have to make sure they eat, make sure they are learning, make sure they grow up to be a decent human being. But no one is telling us how to do this, we have never done this before, yet we are expected to know exactly what to do. For the most part we figure it out. We can read books, ask people who have done it before, you know all the research to prepare us but when that moment comes that we birth our babies, we are bringing into the world a new us as well. We are being inducted into the motherhood club.

I've always known being a mom was my thing. And I truly love it and wouldn't trade it for the world! But I think being a single mom makes it a little harder to let go of that old me. Because it is all very new. I have this dynamic of being a mom and having little people responsibilities and then trying to be available and open to meeting new people. Sounds exhausting hahaha! Dating and meeting people comes with different limitations as a mom. My expectations are somewhat higher or maybe I'd say they are more precise. And my availability is a lot different. Not to mention the circumstance that comes with having kids who also have another parent.

The biggest challenge here is not allowing these things to define me. I am more than a mother. I am more than a yoga instructor. I am more than a partner to someone. My happiness can't depend on these circumstances in my life. As I see these things are constantly evolving and expanding. So what I have had to do is some soul searching. Diving deep into ME. WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT?

Ive been listening to the 21 day meditation by Oprah and Deepak Chopra on Hope in Uncertain times. I HIGHLY recommend starting it! it is not too late. Here is the link :). Soooo needed. You see the past two years, I mean lets be honest my whole life, has been full of change, evolving, and growth but even more so now. I've gone from this place of comfortableness to uncertainty. Today, Day 2 of the meditation is about the power of Hope being here EVERYDAY. It talks about one part in particular in regards to relationships. We are hopeful for a partner to come and make everything better but when in reality we shouldn't seek love we should embody love, BE LOVE. Deepak Chopra says instead of seeking love give and live out the love we desire and in return that is what we will receive. This can apply to any relationship really. This is actively and self directing your love. I loved that because for a moment I lost sight of that. We attract people who are on the same wave length as us. Of course, there are times when people will come in who have ill intentions, but that is where being present and still comes in play! So we don't miss the intentions of the people being placed into our lives. When we hope for something, the hope creates the outcome in any situation.

So what I've learned from this yoyo and what makes it easier is letting go of expectations and control of the situation. Things are not going as planned but it's so it's silly of me to think that they will go as I planned anyways. Eckhart says "Life is an adventure and not a packaged tour". So here I go, enjoying this adventure that God has for me. Letting go of that old me, which I like myself a lot better than I did then, letting go of expectations and surrendering. Surrendering to the possibilities. Surrender to the circumstances and continue enjoying the giggles and the kisses I get from my little guys because it doesn't last forever. I mean come on, I am so lucky to be raising two awesome humans who I always dreamed of having a family. It may not look like what I envisioned but I am blessed. I am love and all of the blessings that are supposed to come my way will when the time is right. 💗

Mantra:

Hope makes me SECURE & STRONG. Namaste

Sincerely,

Jordan Olivia